I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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