dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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