Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Randomize
