So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Couch. On fire.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
