Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
