yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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