Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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