His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
