no, he came in my armpit
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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