I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
