How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize