Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
