Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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