Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
