you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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