grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
