tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
