oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
where does the pee come out of this thing
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
