you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
