I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
