I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
