Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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