Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
