I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
