Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
