I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I didn't shave. On purpose
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
