Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
