Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize