i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
