you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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