I'm pants shitting drunk right now
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
