Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
