dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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