just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Randomize
