Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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