it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
