Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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