new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
