I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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