Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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