i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
