I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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