you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
