Sry I called you an 8
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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