You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
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he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
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I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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