he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
