So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
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I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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