So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
