I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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