Say something about gay babies.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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