Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
