you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
