I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
