She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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