and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
