Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
