I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
love makes seman taste better
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
