Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
