Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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