Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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