ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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