I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
