I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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