you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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