Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Randomize
