Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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