Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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