Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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